My Evil Friend
by Captain Wesker
Summary: Albert Wesker and Leon S. Kennedy are friends? Read to find out more! Rated M for future chapters. This is a joint fic by J Wesker and Captain Spaldings. Please r&r!
1. Capsules

**Disclaimer: We do not own anything in this story.

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This is a joint fic by**

Captain Spaldings and J Wesker.

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** One day in a pent house somewhere in New York, Leon S. Kennedy was spring cleaning... in December. Not after long, he came across four capsules laying around. Not knowing what to do with them, he decided to donate them to the local science foundation. When he got back he found his roommate, Albert Wesker, with a bookcase in one hand and a bed in the other. **

Wesker: Where the hell are they!

Leon: What?

Wesker: My goddamn viruses!

Leon: Ohhh! Yeah, those things. I donated them.

Wesker: ... You what!

Leon: Alright Wesker, I know you're angry, but there's good news. First, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico! Second, **Leon reaches into his walgreens bag and pulls out a bottle full of pills. **vouala! The cure for the common cold, made from the T-virus.

**Wesker, who is shocked by the news he just received, slowly puts down the bookcase he was holding and removes his hand from it, revealing a now broken bookcase. Leon can see Wesker's eyes glowing a firey red behind his sunglasses. He starts to get a little nervous.**

Leon: Okay Wesker, before you do anything crazy or try to kill me there's one more thing I want to show you. **Leon, once again, sticks his hand into his walgreens bag a pulls out another pill bottle.** Look! Kennepills! The cure for cancer. The scientists were nice enough to name them after me. They used them to save Chris's life! Chris would've died if it wasn't for the secret ingredient, the G-virus.

**Wesker makes his way over to Leon and begins to choke him. Leon drops his walgreens bag and begins to desperatly kick Wesker to try to get away. Seeing as how that failed to help he pulled out his only weapon, silly putty. He then began to smear it all over Wesker's sunglasses.**

Wesker: Oh shit! **Wesker threw Leon to the side and removed his sunglasses. Slowly, he tried to take off the silly putty. Wesker glances over at Leon, only to find him knocked out. He then goes back to tend his sunglasses.**

**Leon is currently pretending to be knocked out. He opens one eye, slowly, and sees Wesker trying to get the silly putty off his sunglasses.**

Leon: _Yes! My plan worked. Now, time for round 2._** Leon slowly got up and grabbed a nearby can of pepsi. He then made his way quietly toward Wesker.**

Leon: Hiyahh! **Leon jumps and bonks Wesker on the back of his head with the can of soda. This was a mistake because when Leon hit Wesker on the head, the can of soda blew up, sending** **pepsi all over the room.**

Wesker: Son of a- **Wesker was cut off as Leon jumped on his back and began to choke him, or tried to anyway.**

Leon: Think you're so tough, huh! **Leon got out more silly putty and put it all over Wesker's hair. Wesker was getting really tired of Leon, so he got him off his back and threw him out of the pent house, breaking the door. Leon got up and saw a kid with a gamecube walk by.**

Leon: Gimme that!

Kid: No way, it's mine!

**Leon gets up and punches the kid in the nose, for he has no time forthis right now.After, he grabs the GC and runs back to the pent house. Wesker was now trying to get the silly putty out of his hair.**

Wesker: Damn it, Kennedy! I swear I'm gonna kill you!

**With his enhanced hearing, Wesker can tell Leon is coming back for more. He turns around and immediatly ducked. **

**Leon swung the GC fiercly but hit nothing.(maybe it was because he had his eyes closed)He was searching for Wesker, but received a punch in the stomach. He went flying into the kitchen. In the kitchen, you could hear the breaking of plates. Wesker made his way to the kitchen and when he got there, he slipped! He fell backwards on the tiled floor. Leon threw the box of dish soap to the side and made a flying leap toward Wesker. He would've landed with a punch to Wesker's face, had Wesker not caught him by the throat in midair.**

**With Leon in his hand, Wesker got up and made his grasp aroundhis neck tighter. Leon reached** **into his pocket, but found out that he was out of silly putty. Leon became desperate and was left with only one choice...**

**CRUNCH!**

Wesker: Argh, son of a bitch bit me!

**Wesker dropped Leon and clutched his hand. Leon saw his chance and grabbed a bottle of malibu rum and ripped off a piece of his shirt. He then stuck the piece of cloth into the bottle and lit it witha lighter.He wound up his arm to throw the molotov, but just as Leon was about to throw it at Wesker, Wesker backhanded it out of his hands. The molotov went flying out of the window into the open street. After about two seconds a very loud explosion and screams could be heard. Wesker pulled out his Killer 7 and aimed it at Leon**

Wesker: This ends now!

**Wesker took the safety off his magnum and was about to fire, but there was a knock at the door.**

Owner of the pent house: RENT! _knock knock knock_

Leon: Shit!

**Leon makes his way to the door as Wesker tries to clean the place up a little. Other then collecting the rent, the owner also brings people to inspect the pent house once a month. Unforunatly, today was inspection day. Leon opens the door and takes out his wallet.**

Leon: Here you go, $2,550.50 like always. Have a nice day sir.

**Leon was about to close the door, but the inspector stuck his hand out andheld the door open.**

Owner: Mr.Kennedy you didn't forget did you? It's inspection day. And, uh, you might want to fix your shirt.

**Leon looked down at his torn shirt and tried to cover up his teared sleeve.**

Leon: Uh, do you guys think you could come back at another time? The house is uh, **Looks over shoulder at house** ,a little trashed right now.

Inspector: Oh, it can't be that bad. **He pushes past Leon and enters the house...**

Owner: WTF! Get out of here, right now! I can't have you people living in here if you keep the house like this! What is it with you people?

**Wesker heard this comment and appeared from another room.**

Wesker: _You people?_

Inspector: Yeah, _you people_, Capcom, you freaks fromthe video games. Now get outta here! I'm gonna count to three and both of you better be out of here and out of my sight before then. ONE!

**Leon steps in front of the inspector.**

Leon: Fuck your mama!

Inspector: arrgh, TWO!

Leon: Fuck your sister!

Inspector: ARGH! THREE!.

Leon: FUCK YOUR GRANDMA!

Inspector: That's it! **He gets out a cellphone and dials a number.** Get over here right now! Yeah, we got ourselves another one. Alright just get over here! **He hangs up.**

**Minutes later, a group of men armed with flame throwers come in. **

Leon: Oh SHIT! What are we gonna do, Wesker!

**Wesker grabbed Leon by the collar of his torn shirt and crashed through the nearby window. I might add that they are on the tenth floor of a building.**

Leon: AAHH!** Leon got out of Wesker's grip and kicked Wesker in the stomach. Then he pushed Wesker forward and pretty much used used Wesker to break his fall. After about two seconds, they finally fell to the ground. Leon was unharmed, but Wesker landed face first with Leon's knee in his back. Leonstood up and turned to see Wesker trying to get up. **

Leon: Come on Wesker. Stop laying around. We gotta go!

**Leon was about to go when he heard a voice.**

Kid: There he is dad! He's the one that punched me in the nose and stole my GC!

Leon: Shit!

Father: Go ahead son. Remember what I taught you.

**The kid runs up to Leon and kicks him where no man should ever be kicked...**

Leon: Oooh! You don't hit... people... in the balls, you asshole!** Leon also hits the poor kid in the balls.**

Kid: Aahahhh!** The kid falls in pain to the ground.**

Father: What the hell's the matter with you. He's just a little kid!

Leon: Fuck you!** Leon is on a ball-punching rampage, so he punches this guy in the balls too. Throughout all this, a police officer was watching. **

Police: FREEZE! Get on your knees!

**Leon decides that his best chance is to run towards Wesker for safety, but he didn't make it. Just ashe was about torun towards Wesker, who is still a little hurt from the fall, the police officer pointed his handgun at Leon's head.**

Police: Alright, don't move!

**Wesker was just watching this whole affair and decided that he should now do something. He got up and slowly walked behind the police officer, pulling out his Killer 7. The officer turns around and sees him.**

Police: Sir, put the gun down!

**Wesker simply shot him in the leg and the officer fell to the ground.**

**The officer managed to get his radio out of his pocket and called for backup. **

**Meanwhile...**

**Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine got their popcorn ready and sat down on a couch to watch their favorite show, Cops. _Cops theme song plays_ To their surprise, they see Leon and Wesker running away from the FBI, police officers, SWAT, and some militery guys. Chris and Jill are cracking up right about now. They laugh even harder as they see a German Shepard chewing on Leon's arm. **

_**Back with Wesker and Leon...**_

Leon; AAAaahhh! Get it off!** Wesker kicked the dog out of the way and sent it flying.**

Wesker: Get up Kennedy!

**After this, over three dozen SWAT members dogpiled Wesker.**

SWAT Member 1: Take his sunglasses off!

SWAT Member 2: Spray him! He's not going down! **One SWAT member took Wesker's sunglasses off and threw them to the side.**

SWAT Member 3: Oh my god. He's drugged! Look at his red eyes! Quick, spray him!

Wesker: Aarrghh!

**Leon began to run away, totally forgeting about Wesker. He runs for about ten blocks and stopped.**

Leon: _Crap! I forgot Wesker!_ **Leon looked back and saw the now bigger pile of SWAT members.**

Leon: Goodbye Wesker.** Leon turned around and saw a police officer the size of a linebacker tackle him to the ground.**

Leon: POLICE BRUTALITY, POLICE BRUTALITY!

**Hours later, both Wesker and Leon end up in jail.**

_**In the cell...**_

**Leon and Wesker are now in orange clothes, sitting on bunks across from each other.**

Police officer: Alright guys, you're aloud only one item for your cell. A tv, a radio, whatever.

**Wesker looks up and immediatly says,**

Wesker: My sunglasses.

Leon: WHAT?

Wesker: Shut up, Kennedy!

Leon: _whispering _Bastard.

**The officer hands Wesker his sunglasses and walks away.**

Leon: Jesus, Wesker! You act like awhiny bitch when someone takes your sunglasses!

Wesker: Fuck you.

Leon: No, fuck you! **_sticks up middle finger_ **

**For now, Wesker decided to ignore Leon. He simply snickered.**

_**Hours later...**_

**Leon has lost his mind and is currently singing folk songs and banging on his legs.**

Leon: SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOOMMEE!_ hits high note_

**Weskernow feels terrible pain in his ears after listening to Leon sing for almost four hours.**

Leon: WHAT IF GOD WERE ONE OF-

Wesker: I've had enough of this!

**Wesker got off his bunk and grabbed Leon by the throat. He then threw him violently into the wall, breaking it. The New York streets could be seen and Leon started to laugh like a maniac. He got up and ran wildly into the streets full of oncoming traffic. **

**Wesker saw a small orange minivan coming up behind Leon, but did nothing.**

_**BEEP BEEP! CRASSHHH!**_

**Leon was on the ground in pain as Wesker was cracking up a few feet away. The driver got out of the minivan and picked Leon up by his shirt collar.**

Driver: Stupid asshair! You hit my car!

**Before anything happens Leon knees this guy in the balls and then gave him a left hook to the face. After, Leon got in the driver's seat of the car and yelled,**

Leon: Get in the fucking car, Wesker!

Wesker: Fine, but I drive.

**Wesker got in the car and they drove off. **

Leon: Okay, let's go to Chris's house. We need to stay low for a while.

Wesker: First, we get ourselves out of these damn clothes.

**After about five minutes, they arrive at JCPenny's. They make their way into the store and go to the men's department.**

Wesker: Damnit! They took my wallet!

Leon: tck tck Watch and learn, my friend.

**Leon dived into a circular rack of clothing and saw a business man with a cellphone walk by.**

Leon: _whispering_ Like a wrapped viper... HE STRIKES!** As Leon said this he emerged from the rack of clothes and grabbed the man by the neck. He dragged him into the rack and punching and struggling could be heard.**

Wesker: What the hell?** _raising an eyebrow_**

**Two minutes later, the business man emerged from the rack, completely unharmed. **

Wesker: _sigh.._

**Wesker walks over to the business man and grabs him by the neck. He then proceeds to drag the guy into the shadows. Struggling could be heard and then Wesker came back with a cellphone and a wallet full of money. Wesker looks around and finally picked out a black suit.**

Wesker: _What size is Leon? Whatever._ **Wesker grabs a nearby suit and makes his way to the register.**

Clerk: Will that be all, sir?

Wesker: Yes.

Clerk: That'll be $450.27.

Wesker: This oughta cover it.**_ takes out money from stolen wallet and hands it to clerk_**

**After, Wesker makes his way over to the rack of clothes that Leon is in and looks inside.**

Wesker: Get up Kennedy.

**Leon can be seen with a bloody nose, black eye, and bruises. But, he gets up and the two men make their way to the changing rooms. They come out with their new clothes on andhead back tothe car.**

Leon: Damnit Wesker. This is too tight! I can't breathe!

Wesker: Stop your whining, Kennedy.

**They get in the car and make their way to Chris's house. **

**\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\End of Chapter/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

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**a/n Please R&R! Noflames, though!If you have any ideasfor the next chapterplease include them in your review.We'll try to update as soon as we can.**


	2. Reunion

**Disclaimer: We do not own Resident Evil or anything else in this story.**

**A/N Sorry about not updating in a while, but we were a bit busy. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! **

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**_Ding Dong!_**

Leon rung the door bell and stepped back a little. He and Wesker waited for a while until finally Chris opened the door. Chris went wide eyed as he saw who was at his door. He slowly closed the door and put on what sounded like five different locks. Leon gave Wesker a puzzled look. Wesker just shrugged.

"Uh, wait, don't worry Wesker I have a key!" As Leon was digging in his pocket for the key Wesker broke down the door and stepped inside. Wesker then yelled out, "Come on out, Redfield!"

Chris was currently hiding in a closet and overheard everything. After, Chris jumped out of the small closet and said, "Come on, I ain't afraid of you no more! Bring it on!" As he said this, he ran towards Wesker in an attempt to clothesline him, but he was stopped because Wesker grabbed his neck before he could do anything.

" You hurt Chris. I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!" said Leon as he grabbed a china vase. He was about to hit Wesker on the head with it, but he got backhanded and went crashing into the nearby big screen tv. Pain rushed through his body as he was being shocked over and over again.

Back with Wesker and Chris...

Wesker slammed Chris against the wall and started to punch him in the stomach again and again. He began to laugh as Chris coughed up blood. Wesker just threw him around, gave him a kick or a punch here and there, then he threw him into the kitchen.

Chris gave out a painful groan and saw Wesker coming into the kitchen. _"Oh man, I'm so dead now."_ Chris felt relief as Wesker walked pass him. What he didn't expect Wesker to do was go to the refrigertor!

Wesker scanned through the refrigerator and finally took a bottle of extremly spicy hot sauce out. He made his way over to Chris and snickered as he saw him beg for mercy.

"No.. please... HAVE MERCY!" said Chris. Wesker jammed the bottle into Chris's mouth and began squeezing it. Chris's face turned crimson red and he tried to yell out for help, but to no avail. After a while, Wesker looked up and saw a now burned up Leon holding a rocket launcher. (where he got it, no one knows.) " Oh shit! Leon, don't you even think about it!" yelled Wesker.

" SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!" When Leon pulled the trigger, confetti and a sign that said _Happy New Year!_ blew out of the rocket launcher. Wesker picked up a toaster and threw it at Leon. It hit him on the head and he went flying back to the living room. He crashed into a bookcase and it fell on top of him. Looks like he'll be out for a while...

Wesker emptied the rest of the bottle into Chris's mouth. After, he gave Chris a good kick in the ribs, just for the heck of it. Suddenly, he heard the door open.

Claire and Jill stepped inside the house and dropped their groceries as they saw the now wrecked house. "What the hell happened here?" said Jill. Claire made her way over to the fallen bookcase and said, " Hey, help me lift this up" They both picked up the bookcase, but it slammed back down, crushing poor Leon. "Ugh, forget it, Claire. We can't lift it, we need Chris to do it. Speaking of Chris, where is he?"

"I don't know, CHRIS? WHERE ARE YOU?" Claire was about to search for him in one of the rooms, when all of a sudden she heard Chris call out, "HELP!" Claire glanced at Jill and they both threw their grocery bags on top of the bookcase. When they got to the kitchen they gasped as they saw Wesker beating up a now unconscious Chris.

"AAAAHHHH! Chris! Jill, quick, go get the hair dye we bought for Chris!" Jill ran into the living room and looked for the can of red hair dye in the bags on top of the bookcase.

_muffled_ "Ughh. Help me." "Leon, is that you? Sorry, but I can't help you right now. Wait just a sec, okay?" _muffled_ "No! Please! You gotta help me!" What Leon just said had no affect whatsoever, for Jill found what she was looking for and had ran back into the kitchen.

When Jill returned to the kitchen, she was surprised to see Claire on Wesker's back, hitting him on the head with closed fists. "Get off of me, you crazy bitch!"

"No one beats up my brother, but me! Jill, throw me the can!" Jill did so and as soon as Claire caught it, she took off the cap and sprayed the red hair dye all over Wesker's blonde, slicked back hair.

" Ha! Take that. It's permenent, you know!" Wesker was getting really pissed off right about now, so he threw Claire off his back. Claire went crashing into Jill and they both got knocked unconscious.

Wesker immediatly went running into the bathroom and saw what Claire had done to his hair. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Back with Leon...

After being trapped under a heavy bookcase for about an hour, Leon is about ready to pass out. He tried to lift it off, but found he was too tired. Finally, he spotted a very long and thick book. It read, Icons of the Century.

Leon thought of and idea. He lifted the bookcase up just enough to stick the book under it. He first made sure everything was stable, then he slowly started to crawl out from underneath the bookcase.

Sudenly, the bookcase came crashing down on Leon's right leg. He tried really hard to hold back the tears as he thought, " _Damnit, this is all Wesker's fault!_" Then, he tried to pull his leg out from underneath the bookcase.

He looked all around for something to help, but found nothing. Then he took everything he had out of his pockets. He had a paper clip and a small plastic spoon. He also saw a small axe under the bookcase. He grabbed that too. He thought about his choices and could only think of one. To cut his own leg off!

He whimpered a little, and then raised the small axe, but just as he brought it down the axe's blade went flying off. " Oh, come on!" He whimpered even more as he put what remained of the axe in his mouth. After, he hesitently grabbed that plastic spoon and jammed it into his right leg. As he did this, he bit down on the axe's handle that he had in his mouth.

He did this repetedly again and again until he started to black out...

Back with the others...

Claire, Jill, and Chris are now conscious again and they walked slowly into the living room. " Where did he go?" said Chris. Jill scanned the room until, finally, she remembered that Leon was under the bookcase.

"Oh my god! I almost forgot! Chris help me lift the bookcase off Leon's leg!" Chris lifted up one side as Jill lifted up the other. Claire pulled Leon onto the couch. " God damn! What in the hell did he do to his leg?" yelled Chris in disgust.

" I tried to cut it off, seeing as how no one wanted to help me!" Leon gave Jill an angry look as he said this. "But Leon, it was your other leg that was stuck under the bookcase."

" Alright anyway, Claire. time to call in the homegirls!" Jill said this as she took out her cell phone. Immediatly, Leon snatched it out of Jill's hands and chucked it across the room while screaming, "Noo!" " Hey! My phone! Why'd you do that?"

"Because Ashley is in your damn _club_. And the last thing I need right now is that annoying voice screaming _Help! Leon!_ Okay?"

" You son of a bitch! That cost money you know!" "You think I give a shit?"

Jill was on the verge off smacking Leon and she would've done it, had they not been interupted by a mexican song that was being played outside. Leon stood up and peeked out the window, only to see Carlos riding a donkey, wearing a sombrero, and also holding a pot of coffee in one hand.

Leon, surprisingly yelled out, "Hola!" Carlos yelled out, "Hola Senor!" Leon limped into the kitchen and came back with a coffee mug. He then opened the window and stuck out the mug. Carlos got off his donkey and walked over to Leon. He then began to pour some of his coffee into Leon's mug.

After that, Carlos said, "Disfruta un buen cafe." _Translation: Enjoy some good coffee._ Leon replied "Gracias Senor." Carlos nodded and then he got back on his donkey and left.

Leon took a sip of his columbian coffee and turned to look at the other people, who were staring at him. Claire breaks the silence by saying, "What was that all about?"

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**A/N We will try to update as soon as possible. Also, sorry about this chapter being so short, but we had some problems and had to cut it a little shorter then we planned. Don't forget to review people! We could really use some. Happy New Year everyone!**


	3. Red Head

**Disclaimer: We do not own Resident Evil.So basically, if anything in this storyhas a copyright, we don't own it. **

**a/n Sorry we forgot to say this in chapter two, but we will not be writing the story in script form anymore.**

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Chris, Leon, Claire, and Jill were currently sitting in the living room. Leon was still drinking his columbian coffee he got from Carlos. Every sat in silence until they head footsteps coming from the hall.

Wesker appeared with his new RED hair. They all turned to see him and started cracking up, despite the fact that Wesker was ready to kill everyone in the room.

"Wesker... what happened... to your... hair?" asked Leon in between bursts of laughter. Chris said, " I think Jill sprayed it on him!"

Wesker was filled with rage as everyone continued to laugh at him. He yelled out, " I'll kill all of you if you don't shut the fuck up!" But no one paid any attention to him and were still laughing. Chris fell to the floor, holding his stomach. Leon was laughing too, until he saw Wesker's eyes glowing red again. He knew what that meant.

" STOP LAUGHING, GUYS!" But no one listened to Leon. He just shook his head, for he knew what was going to happen. Chris yelled out, "Ketchup Head!" "That's it! I've had enough of this shit!"

Wesker, fueled with anger, ran up to Chris with inhuman speed and kicked him. Chris was sent flying and hit the wall, causing it to crack. Claire and Jill stopped laughing. " You Men In Black piece of shit! You hurt Chris again!" said Leon as he took one final sip of his coffee and threw the rest at Wesker's face.

"Son of a bitch!" Wesker was now more angrier since Leon threw the coffee all over his sunglasses. Leon let out a war cry as he made a flying leap towards Wesker. Wesker, on the other hand would have hit Leon away, had Claire not hung on to his arm. "Get the hell off me!" Leon began biting Wesker's arm as hard as he could.

Claire saw what Leon was doing and also started biting Wesker's other arm. Jill saw her chance and ran over to the phone in the kitchen. She dialed Rebecca's number and watched the fight between Claire, Leon, and Wesker meantime Rebecca picked up the phone. " Rebecca, it's Jill. I need you to call _everyone_ and tell them to come to my house, NOW!" After she hung up the doorbell rang. She opened the door and in came Rebecca, armed with a large piece of wood and nails sticking out of it, Ada, armed with a metal bat, Sherry, with a metal wrench, Annette had a hockey stick, and Ashley, with a hockey mask on, had a large chainsaw.

Wesker got Leon off of his arm by throwing his arm around. Leon tried to hold on, but he finally lost his grip and slammed into Chris, who was lying on the floor. Wesker still had Claire on his other arm, however. "Get off me, you barbie piece of shit!" He would've easily knocked her off, but froze when he saw all the armed women standing a few feet away from him. " Oh, hell no..." was all Wesker got to say before they all dived toward him.

After some struggling, punching, kicking, yelling, etc. they somehow managed to restrain Wesker by holding down his arms and legs. With Jill and Rebecca holding Wesker's arms and Ada, along with Annette, holding his legs, Ashley tried to start up her chainsaw. Claire yells out, "Cut this fucker in half Ashley!" But Ashley was still trying to start the chainsaw. She was too weak to start it, but after about five tries, she finally got it to start.

Ashley put on her hockey mask and slowly made her way over to Wesker. She lifted up the chainsaw and held it there for a second. Wesker closed his eyes and spat out "oh shit.." as Ahsley brought the chainsaw down. Surprisingly, Wesker opened his eyes and saw the chainsaw on the floor. He heaved out a sigh of relief. Ashley, on the other hand, caught sight of Leon and immediatly ran over to him.

As Leon regained consciousness, he spotted Ashley running towards him. " Get away from me. Don't come any closer!" He then ran to the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and locked it. " Oh, please come out, Leon!" Leon leaned against the door and yelled out, " No way! Go to hell!" _In a singsong type voice_ " If you don't come out, I'll havre to break the door down!" " You do that!"

Ashley just shrugged and walked off to retrieve the chainsaw. When she got to the living room, she saw all the girls surrounding Wesker. She moved a little closer to see what they were doing. Wesker was on a chair, tied up with ropes, metel chains, and several pad locks. When they finished, Rebecca stuffed a little towel into his mouth. _muffled_ " I'll kill you all, bitches!"

Jill noticed Ashley watching them and said, " Feel free to step in at any time!" She ignored Jill and picked up her chainsaw. She then headed back to the bathroom door.

Meanwhile, Leon was hiding behind the shower curtains. He suddenly saw a blade, that seemed to belong to a chainsaw, cut a hole through the door. " Shit!" Leon came out from behind the curtain and said, " Ashley, before you continue with this madness, there's something you need to know... The president's been shot!" Ashley then dropped the chainsaw and said, " Daddy! Noo!" while running out the front door.

Leon let out a sigh and slowly opened the door, making sure Ashley was really gone for good. Once he saw that the coast was claer, he made his way over to the living room. When he got there, he saw Claire, Jill, and Chris seated in what looked like a triangle, around Wesker, who was tied up to a roller chair. Claire yelled out, " Chris throw him over to me!" Chris nodded and grinned as he threw the chair Wesker was on over to Claire.

Claire then rolled him over to Jill and Jill to Chris. Leon grabbed Wesker's chair and paused Jill, Claire, and Chris's little _game_. " Come on, people, leave the poor guy alone. I mean, really, he has red hair for god's sake!" _muffled_ _sarcasticly _" Oh, thanks, Kennedy..."

Hours later, everyone settled down. Chris was sitting on a chair in front of Wesker, eating a bowl of popcorn. He chuckled as he threw a piece of popcorn to Wesker's face. As Chris threw the popcorn, Wesker growled with anger. His eyes also started to glow red... again.

Chris noticed this, but just threw more popcorn at Wesker. He eventually got bored of throwing popcorn, so he got up and stood in front of Wesker. Slowly, he reached for Wesker's sunglasses. Chris snatched them off Wesker's face, revealing red cat-like eyes staring back at him with anger. If looks could kill, Chris would be dead.

Chris put the sunglasses near his face, but heard Wesker say, _muffled_ " Don't you dare put them on, Redfield!" He ignored him and put them on. The second that Chris put the sunglasses on, Wesker went hysterical and started struggling to get his hands on Chris. _muffled_ " SON OF A BITCH! MOTHER FUCKER! I SWEAR I"LL KILL YOU!" Leon came running into the room and said, " What's going on here! Damn it, Chris, just give him his sunglasses back. You know how he gets when someone takes them away." Wesker had struggled so much, that he tipped the chair over.

Chris simply said, " Fine" and gave them to Leon. Once Leon got a hold of them, he put the chair upright again. Then he placed the sunglasses back on Wesker's face. He let Wesker calm down and then said, " Oh, Wesker, William Birkin called and said that he has a place for us somewhere in Racoon forest. I'm just gonna go grab my coat and we'll be outa here."

_muffled_ " Okay." Leon removed the towel from Wesker's mouth and threw it aside. " Don't go anywhere." " Very funny." Leon then went upstairs to get his coat. Seconds later, Chris stepped behind Wesker's chair and rolled the chair through the front door, chuckling.

Wesker struggled a bit and said, " Where are you taking me?" Chris stopped the chair in the middle of the road. Wesker saw the steep road that lay before him and realized what Chris was gonna do. At that moment Leon came out of the house, wearimg his RE 4 coat, and spotted Chris in the middle of the road. " Chis, don't do it..." Chris just smiled and slowly pushed Wesker down the steep road.

Leon watched in terror as Wesker zoomed down the road. " Oh shit, what am I gonna do?" Luckily, Leon saw two kids riding bikes. He stepped in front of them and yelled out, " Get off your bike!" The kid looks at his friend and then looks at Leon again and says, " No way, go to hell, loser!" Leon drew his handgun and pointed it at the kid, yelling, "NOW!" Both kids whimpered, dropped their bikes, and ran away. Leon quickly got on the bike and made his way down hill.

He pedalled as fast as he could until he caught up with Wesker. Then he attatched a hook to one of Wesker's chains. " Hang on, Wesker, we're going to Birkin's!" said Leon as he pedalled on, pulling a still tied up Wesker.

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**a/n Sorry for the long wait. We'll try to update soon! Don't forget to r&r!**


	4. Hunters

**Disclaimer: You guys know the drill. We do not own anything blah, blah, blah. Now go read the story.**

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" Kennedy! Watch out for that damn car!" 

Leon swerved out of the car's way and pedalled on. After about a half an hour later they finally arrive at Birkin's place. Leon got off the bike and went to untie Wesker from the chair. While Leon was thinking of a way to get all the chains off Wesker, William Birkin came out and said, "Hell- Wesker! WTF happened to you? Why are you all tied up?"

" Those damn Redfields did it." Birkin was trying to hold back his laughter, but Wesker still heard him and asked, "What the hell's so funny?" " N- nothing. How about we get you both inside and then we'll get the chains off. By the way, what's up with your hair, Wesker?" He ignored the question and mumbled something under his breath.

Once inside, Birkin rolled Wesker into his lab. " Alright, Wesker, this solution I made should change your hair back to normal or it might turn it purple. Are you willing to take that risk?" " Yes. Just do the damn thing already. But aren't you going to take the chains off first. They're a bit uncomfortable."

Birkin got his supplies ready as he said, " No, Wesker, we should leave them on until after the procedure." " Why?" Leon interupted by saying, " If for some reason your hair does turn purple, you'll be in chains and you won't hurt us." " Sons of bitches! You can't do this to me!" " Calm down, Wesker." said Birkin as he smeared something purple into Wesker's hair. Leon, for some reason, is currently covering his eyes.

An hour passed and finally Birkin yelled out, " Success! Leon, hand me that mirror beside you." Leon did, but knocked over a bunch of vials and test tubes in doing so. Birkin gave Leon an angry glare and snatched the mirror away from Leon. He put the mirror in front of Wesker's face and stepped back. " How do you like it?" " It's better than red hair. That's for sure. What did you use, anyway?" " I used the G-virus. I needed an experiment, anyway, so I tested it on you."

" WHAT! You better hope that there aren't any side effects, or I'll kill you!" " Don't worry. If my calculations are correct, then there shouldn't be any. Now, to get these chains off..." Leon got up from where he was sitting and blurted out, " We could use a chainsaw!" Birkin then said, " Excellent idea, young lad." Leon gave Birkin a puzzled look then shook his head. Leon went to grab the chainsaw from a nearby table and turned it on.

"You might want to close your eyes, Wesker." said Leon as he began cutting through the chains. " Kennedy, I'd much rather prefer Birkin to- ARRGG! Damn it! You cut me!" Leon pulled back as he exclaimed, " Chains are off! Hmm, and to think that my Woodshop teacher gave me an F. Oh, and Wesker, you're bleeding a little on your chest." "Yeah, no shit!" Birkin, totally not caring about Wesker's injury, states, "Wesker, I am in need of a favor." "What?" "I need you to go get me some Hunters. That way, I'll be able to make my famous fried Hunter legs.

Leon had a disgusted look on his face. He asked, "Uh.. Hunter legs? I'll go get 'em for you, but I ain't eating nothing!" Birkin looked enraged and simply said, "Fuck you." Now it was Leon's turn to be enraged as he yelled out, "Fuck me? Fuck you, Motherfucker!" After, he pounced on Birkin and started slap fighting. Wesker walked toward Leon, picked him up by his shirt collar, and said, "Let's go."

As Wesker neared the door, Birkin yelled out to Leon, "I bet you don't even have an e-mail address!" Leon muttered under his breath, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Outside, Wesker walked over to Birkin's jeep and threw Leon onto the ground. "Hey, Wesker, we don't have Birkin's car keys though." Wesker pulled out the car keys from his pocket and said, "Yes we do. Get in"

About ten miles away from Birkin's place, Wesker and Leon arrive at a Hunter stand and get out of the car.

As they near the stand, Leon greeted the guy, who was currently sitting on a chair near his truck, by saying, "Good afternoon." The guy stood up and replied in a southern acscent, "Good afternoon. How ya'll doin?" Wesker interupted by saying, "Yeah whatever. What do you have for us?"

The guy pointed to a large cage filled with three hunters and said, "Well, we got these real cute Resident Evil Remake Hunters." Wesker said, "Yeah I see them." The man then pointed to another cage and said, "We got them nice, long legged Code: Veronica X Hunters." Wesker looked up from the cage and said, "Code: Veronica X? Yeah, I like them. I'll take a Code: Veronica X. Two of them."

While Wesker was talking, the guy gave Wesker a weird look. As the guy puts his hands up a bit he asks, "... Now, ya'll ain't planning on fucking these Hunters, are ya?" Wesker stood in silence, obviously angered by what the guy had just said. "... What the fuck are you getting at?" As he said this, he drew out his killer7 and aimed it at the guy's chest. He then yelled, "DO YOU FUCK HUNTERS?"

The guy scoffs and puts his hands down. Then, he says,"Well, I have thought about fuckin' some Hunters beforeay." Wesker gives the guy a puzzled look. The guy continued by saying, "If you want to have a good time and you need some pussy, you can cut that Hunter's head off, and stick your dick in that ass of that Hunter and that damn Hunter 'll go crazy on your ass and go RRRROOOAAARRR!"

Leon gives Wesker a puzzled look and continues to stare at the guy. Wesker says, "Are you saying that I would cut off a Hunter's head, put my dick in it, fuck it, and go "aaahhh!". Are you accusing me of fucking a Hunter, motherfucker?" Wesker, again, aims his killer7 at the guy. The guy puts huis hands back up and says, "No, I ain't call you a Hunter fucker, but boy over there (points to Leon) looks sexually frustrated and... I don't approve of Hunter fuckin'"

Suddenly, Leon started yelling, "You hear what he called me, Wesker?" The guy interupted and said sarcastically, "My mistake, my mistake." Leon went on yelling, "He called me a fucking Hunter fucker!" Wesker now interupted and yelled out, "Go grab the fucking Hunters, Kennedy!" Leon hesitated a bit and then muttered something as he went to grab the Hunters. Wesker handed the guy a five dollar bill and said, "Here's five." "Appreciate it, thank y'all.

Leon yelled out, "He's a Hunter fucker!" as he held a cage filled with two Hunters. Wesker then says, "Whatever, Kennedy. Just put the Hunters back there." They both got into the jeep, when Wesker said, "Next time we're going somewhere else." Leon points to the guy and yells, "We ain't never buying Hunters from him again, Wesker." "I know." As they drive away, Leon turns around and yells, "You inbred, INBRED!" while flipping the guy off.

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**A/N In the next chapter the Ashfords will make an appearence.Sorry for the short chapters lately, but don't worrythis will probibly be the last short chapter from now on.R&R!**


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